When life gives you something that makes you afraid....

 Masih lagi salam 10 April..

Hari ni aku nak share sesi aku dan kaunselor aku..

Kisah ni rentetan dari kisah semalam,aku tulis supaya aku ingat dan sama2lah kita belajar.Sebab aku tau ramai lagi diluar sana yang sama macam aku struggle day to day to live and still learning how to cope with your emotions.

So,aku cerita kat kaunselor aku "empty episodes" yang jadi semalam,tapi aku still keluar jugak sebab nak jaga hati sedangkan aku tak ok.Dia cakap "it is good that you recognize your emotions,and you still go out and then that empty just gone ,sometimes you need to do the Exact Opposites,depends on situation,listen to your body,what is your body wants to tell you,practice mindfullness"

Maksudnya,bila aku rasa kosong ka sayu ka,cuba try buat benda yang berlawanan..tanya diri sendiri,kerana aku jer tahu apa yang aku nak,apa yang aku rasa.Kalau sedih,apa yang buat aku happy?aku kalau happy aku karaoke..so kalau sedih try la pi karok ka apa.(Kaunselor aku cina,takkan dia nak suruh aku zikir plak kan...c'mon,be open minded sikit).Aku paham apa yang dia cuba sampaikan,don't dwell on the feelings lama2 sangat,you need to move on!Pastu dia tanya kenapa tak nak keluar?aku cakap kalau aku rasa tak ok,mood macam swing,aku tak nak terrrr effect kat kawan2 aku..Korang paham kan,kawan kau tgh in happy mood tetiba datang jer kau bawak aura yang macam nak mampus tu.Mesti diaorang akan maki kan!So aku jawab takut la.Dia tanya lagi,"What makes you afraid?".......(pause sebentar)..aku fikir balik,apa yang membuatkan aku takut sangat....aku takut sakit,kecewa,i can't bare the pain of abandonement.

"When life gives you something that makes you afraid,that's when life gives you a chance to be brave"

Dia cakap,aku tak boleh selamanya jadi "The Happy Go Lucky Nick"..they need to see both of your side.U need to explain to them your feelings.Because they are your support system.Seram kannn dengaq!Dulu,aku terlampau explain punya pasal la sampai aku diburukkan oleh member sendiri.Sakit weiiiiii....bayangkan berapa lama kau hidup dengan "Duri Dalam Daging"..tapi masa tu aku tak tau apa jadi kat aku,Doc pon tak diagnose apa..so "Duri" ni invalidate me in her very own rude and harsh way!!!Enough about Duri ni..kang aku menyumpah dia 7keturunan plak kan.Mampos Kau!

Kesimpulan dia,i need to overcome what i scared the most!Its not 1 day job,but baby step..no matter how slow,as long as i can see the progress,it is good enough!I am proud of myself.Aku masih bertahan hingga hari ni.The scars in my heart that makes me scared is also the scars that mold me to be what i am today.Lagi satu,sebagai orang Islam,aku nak pesan,if you really lost your way,try this method,you whisper to the earth but heard in the sky-sujudlah padaNya.Hati kita Dia yang pegang.Tu ja nak cakap

Wassalam..