Muka mintak attention

 

7 Surprising Positive Aspects Of BPD ~Imi Lo~

Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is one of the most stigmatized conditions there is. Having ‘symptoms’ of BPD, such as emotional outbursts or suicidal thoughts, can be extremely painful, but it does not take over your entire identity.

This article addresses some of the positive aspects of BPD. Unfortunately, the majority of the research literature and internet resources focus on the negative aspects of BPD, often forgetting that behind the symptoms is a whole person.

People assume that when you are diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’, it is a bad thing. The truth is, behind the diagnosis, there is a whole person- someone who, alongside their intensity, has creative gifts, empathy, deep love for the world, and infinite potential.

 BPD is the target of more than its fair share of stigma, by mental health practitioners, the media, and the general public. Many resources on the internet focus on the negative aspects of BPD, perpetuating the misjudgment around it. When people focus solely on the negatives symptoms, they forget about the person behind the label.

Many people with BPD are deep thinkers, intuitive feelers, and many are intellectually gifted. Contrary to popular belief, most BPD sufferers are highly introspective and self-aware. With a process of healing and transformations, they are the most empathic leaders and visionaries.

This is not to glorify mental illnesses or invalidate the pain of living with emotional storms. As someone who has been given the BPD label, what you need is not more judgment. What you need is a deep understanding of what has caused these symptoms, to know it is not your ‘fault’ that you suffer, and to harness the positive aspects of your personality.

Here are seven gifts that are embedded within the BPD matrix:

1. You have deep empathy

When en emotional storm takes over, you may temporarily lose perspective or act erratically. Because of your struggles in relationships, some people might say you have little empathy. This is, however, an unfair and skewed assumption.

Many people with BPD identify as being an ‘empath’. An empath is someone with so much empathy that they feel others’ pain as their own; they sometimes cannot separate their own emotions from others’. 

Certain psychological theories may explain why this is: It might be due to overactive activity of your mirror neurons, unique wiring of your brain, certain hormone in your physiology, or a volatile childhood environment in which you were ‘trained’ to become hyper-vigilant (You might have to detect early warning signs of your parents’ anger to protect yourself and your siblings).

Because of your personal experience, you know what it means to be in emotional pain. When others are sad, anxious, or grieving, you offer an unspoken understanding. Psychologically, others can feel soothed by your presence. Spiritually, those who suffer know you speak their language.

2. You are deeply perceptive

Research has found people with BPD can read facial expressions and subtle shifts in moods more accurately than those without BPD. Many people with BPD and their friends even joke they have ‘psychic abilities’.

This perceptiveness comes with its blessings and perils. It may make life more difficult as you see hypocrisy, injustice, and deception everywhere. People might feel threatened by you as they did not want to be seen through.

It may take you a while to found a way to use your intuition without offending others. Once you have, however, the ability to be perceptive and intuitive is a powerful skill that brings you much personal and career success.

3. You can channel your pain into art

Many people with BPD channel their pain visually, poetically, musically, or otherwise. Historically, gifted and talented artists, writers, and actors/ actresses have made meaning out of their mental distress and existential anxiety.

 The pain of BPD can be so massive that it is beyond words. This is when the arts become its channel of expression. By doing so, you refuse to be a victim. By expressing your soul via creative means, you are reaching out to the world.

Somewhere, someone is waiting to know there is someone out there feeling what they are feeling. Once you have found a language for your emotion, you are on your way to inspire the world.

4. You have a deep capacity to love

Another myth about BPD is that people with the condition cannot love in the same way everyone else does. This is demonstrably false. Whether or not they show it on the surface, people with BPD love and care with their whole being.

The push-pull pattern and instability they have are a result of your trauma. Having been wounded deeply by abandonment, rejection, or neglect early in your lives, intimacy becomes a challenge. It is not that you don’t want to love, but your fears and insecurities hold you back from being the best self you can be.

You love fiercely and can be hurt deeply, so it can be challenging for you— especially at the start— to relax in a relationship. When you feel safe enough, however, you make a sensitive, passionate, and extraordinary friend, parent, and life partner.

 5. You know what it means to have an invisible trauma

Unlike a physical injury or disability, BPD is invisible. It is, nevertheless, one of the most painful conditions anyone could have. You might also have suffered from other invisible trauma such as childhood neglect or emotional abuse.

People often dismiss the suffering of someone who looks fine on the surface. But you know what can lie beneath the surface of a facade. Your story also offers you a deep well of compassion. At your best, you are liable to champion the voices for others. Many people with BPD are gifted activists who champion the rights and voices of others.

 6. You see the beauty of the world

Being a naturally sensitive person, you are pained by the collective pain of our world; but on the flip side, you also have a profound understanding of beauty. You don’t take love for granted, ’little things’ such as a single line in a song or a gesture from a romantic partner can be almost overwhelming. 

You feel the world with a different vibration, and you are vividly alive. You know despair, but you also know deep love and ecstasy. Being able to feel so keenly is a downside when the emotions are challenging, but it is also a gift.

7. You may not feel it, but you are exceptionally resilient

BPD does not break you; it shapes you, forces you to look inward, and make you a stronger human. Like a tree, you bend, but you do not get destroyed. You have been through so much pain and despair that you know every day is a gift.

The longer you have to learn to live with BPD, the more resilient it makes you. You become a warrior. You withstand not only the BPD symptoms but also the natural knocks that we receive as we go through life. Having been through BPD and come out the other end, you are stronger than you think you are.

At your core, you are not your mood swings. Beyond the surface, the fluctuation is a core self that is determined to be alive. You have the right to be a full human!

Whether you’re a BPD sufferer yourself or have a friend or loved one with the condition, I hope this article has given you some hope. Coming to terms with a diagnosis can be a daunting path, but please don’t believe just because you have been given the label, anyone could take away all your gifts and positive personality traits.

The next step for you now is to find ways to celebrate and harness your strengths. You may decide to make a piece of music that tells your life story or use your deep empathy to offer a friend consolation.

Being misunderstood all your life is painful, and never justified. While we cannot control external judgments, it is on us to go from surviving to thriving, to not let the past haunts us, and to stand up for our rights to shine as a dynamic human.

You do not need your friends or family to understand you for you to move forward. Unlike the situation you were in as a child you are no longer powerless. If people insist on scapegoating or gaslighting you, you have the power to walk away.  If you think about all the trauma, suicidal spells, and relationship wounds you have bounced back from, you will know how strong you are at your core. Walking away despite our society’s pressure is not an easy path, but it is what you deserve.

 

9 Secret Signs of Narcissism You Can’t Miss

9 Secret Signs of Narcissism You Can’t Miss

Since the covert narcissist is better at hiding their abusive behavior, it’s important to understand the subtle cues that give them away.

1.     They’ll Never Utter the Phrase “I Don’t Know”

I once knew a narcissist who was so averse to this phrase that he would rather give someone dangerously incorrect answers than admit to not knowing something. He was confident in his woefully wrong answers, too.

Why do this?

Answering a question with “I don’t know” deprives the narcissist of vital attention. The person seeking an answer will simply move on to someone else who might help them. That’s a huge ego hit.

That’s why you’ll often find narcissists rambling on about topics they have no business speaking on.

2.     They’re a Bad Friend

The narcissist is generally a bad friend but you’ll typically find them playing the victim. Make sure to get all sides of the story if you’re not sure.

What are some red flag signs of narcissism that indicate the suspect is a narcissist?

They get irritated when their friends ask for help or advice.

They don’t bother to call or text their friends on birthdays or holidays.

They don’t return borrowed items. (A sign of entitlement.)

They owe their friends money. They may downplay this as “not a big deal.”

They embarrass their friends in front of others.

They seek out or flirt with their friends’ partners or love interests.

3.     They Have to Insert Themselves into Every Story

A covert narcissist may not demand everyone’s attention. They will, however, still find a way to make everything about them. A large part of this strategy involves inserting themselves into every story.

Is a coworker talking about their experience with homelessness? The narcissist, too, has a story about being poor.

Is a friend talking about his amazing trip to Vietnam? The narcissist also had a friend who went to Vietnam. And guess what? She heard it wasn’t so great.

No matter the topic, the narcissist has a remarkable skill for turning the attention their way – no matter how innocuous it might seem.

4.     They’re Sensitive

At first, you may appreciate their ability to freely express emotions. This is an excellent tactic narcissists use to lure empathetic people into their trap.

Maybe a fast-food worker got their order wrong and the narcissist hasn’t shut up about it all day. Maybe their boss asked them to stop playing on their phone so much and now the narcissist is crying about it over dinner.

As time goes on, you’ll realize that the narcissist isn’t vulnerable and sensitive: their fragile ego can’t handle honest mistakes and valid criticism. To the narcissist, these are personal attacks.

5.     They Treat Waitstaff or Service Workers Poorly

This is a dead giveaway. Run for the hills.

Anyone who disrespects waitstaff or service workers views people as “beneath” them. Soon, you’ll be part of the inferiors as well.

6.     They Form Relationships Based on What Someone Can “Do for Them”

If you’re at a party and the suspected narcissist suggests you talk to someone because they can help with your career or financial situation, don’t ignore it. They aren’t trying to help you: they’re letting you in on their game.

Narcissists tend to form shallow friendships based on what people can do for them. You’ll often find narcissists make friends with horribly toxic people just because these folks have money, own bars, or can offer career opportunities.

7.     Their Stories Don’t Match Reality

Both the overt and covert narcissist has an inflated sense of self. The thing is, they truly believe their own lies. As a result, you’ll often find they recall stories much differently than the situations actually played out.

If you notice that the suspect constantly reframes stories to make themselves the hero or victim, back away fast – this is one of the many signs of narcissism. By changing the story to fit their own narrative, the narcissist is gaslighting everyone else involved.

It’s not cute or funny to constantly have to correct them. Sooner or later, they’ll start gaslighting you, too.

8.     They Observe and Judge

“There’s no way she can be a narcissist. When we’re out with friends, she barely says ten words!”

I hear it all the time. By sitting back and observing everyone, however, the covert narcissist is silently taking notes and judging. I’m sure you heard all about her observations on the car ride home.

The narcissist needs to feel superior to everyone around them. This is easy to do when you don’t open your mouth to engage in conversation and instead sit back to take notes about everyone’s shortcomings.

9.     They Only Hear Bits and Pieces of Your Stories

Does it feel like the suspected narcissist just. isn’t. listening? They’re probably not. And if they are, they don’t care.

Maybe you spent ten minutes venting to your mother about how you didn’t get that promotion at work because you showed up late one solitary time with a valid reason. How did she respond? “Well, maybe you’ll remember to show up on-time from now on.”

You can’t be the victim. Only the narcissist can be the victim.

You see this a lot with narcissist parents or partners who listen just enough to throw something back in your face later

Feelings

 

 

Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga..Tangga jatuh bertimpa-timpa!

 

Salam Ogos 2022..

Lama benor rasanya tak mengadu domba kat blog…hari ni kugagahi jua…walaupun sejak dua tiga menjak ni,hidup aku suram dikelilingi orang sakit…yakni orang2 yang aku sayang..membuatkan sekali dengan aku rasa tak larat.Aku bukan mengeluh sebab penat…tapi tak sampai hati bila melihat….

Mula2,aunty kesayangan aku masuk hospital sebab sakit jantung,setel surgery dah jadi kaki plak bengkak tak surut2..sian sungguh aku tengok…lepas tu cancer abang aku datang balik,selepas 5 tahun surgery ada naik plak tumor baru sebesar 9cm dan paling sedih tak dapat nak buang sebab dah melekat dengan dinding usus.Kesian abang aku terpaksa pakai stoma bag dan go through  chemo…

Dalam keadaan yang bagi aku kira gawat la jugak,tetiba wife cousin aku plak meninggal sebab cancer jugak…adoila ya Allah…benarlah bila dah ajal,Allah takkan lewatkan atau  cepatkan walau seminit…aku ambik kesempatan memandikan jenazah arwah yang amat baik dengan aku…masih terbayang 2,3 hari sebelum ajal dia,aku sempat pi melawat arwah dan masa salam nak balik tu arwah tak nak lepaskan tangan aku,malah dia tarik tangan aku dan letak kat pipi dia…dia cakap apa ntah masa tu…aku tak dengar atau aku tak ingat…Allahurabbi teruk betoi ingatan aku.

Lepas tu aku busy balik dengan abang aku yang memang ulang alik hospital..hujung minggu ja aku pergi tidur rumah dia,bantu apa yang patut.Anak abang aku yang kecik sekali tu autism..aku memang struggle nak paham kerenah dia.Bagi aku dia macam time bomb..kau silap sikit..kau bakal hadap tantrum dia..aku sempatla merasa penangan rotan dan hanger dari si kecik ni.Macam mana pun dia kira darah daging aku.Pukul lah macam mana pun,rasa kasih kat dia tetap ada.Semoga dia akan tarik aku esok kat akhirat sana ke syurga..InshaAllah aminnnnnn!

Saudara mara belah bapak aku pon tak tahu nak cakap bagus macam mana..bila dengar ja keadaan abang aku,terus turun dari KL datang melawat..kira sempatla jumpa,aku memang tabik spring kat family Yacobians ni…sebab bonding diaorang sangat kuat dan sangatla supportive.Cuma yang sedihnya,uncle aku yg datang melawat abang aku tu plak meninggal a week after that. Stress kan?

Ingatkan habis takat tu…….ada lagi………..tak sempat aku nak tarik nafas…nak tenang2kan diri balik,dah pulak aunty aku tersembam depan bilik air….bengkak lebam sebelah muka punya teruk…aku rasa aku macam tak guna sebab tak mampu buat apa2 selain jadi driver bawak pergi hospital pergi klinik.

Walaupun mood aku ke laut dalam…hari-hari aku suram…cousin aku paksa aku pergi Pantai Esen dipagi buta untuk release tension…itula video yang aku tempek kat atas…aku xderla happy mana..tapi bila dengar bunyi laut tu rasa lega la jugak…apapun…doakan lah seluruh ahli keluarga aku diberi kesihatan yang baik dan panjang umur…aminnnnnn